Depression strikes again

God, I feel depressed again.

I just wish you still think of me the way I think of you. After today, I officially know nothing of what's going to happen to you. Today's the last day I know of you... February 1, your first day in Manila. I miss you boss.

First Day

Its your first day in Manila. I remember that you opted to be re-assigned in Manila because you were excited about us. Too bad hindi na tayo although I still wish na tayo pa rin.

I miss you and I still love you. Take care always boss.

relapse

Relapse is all part of the cycle.

while at labor court

I can't be alone yet. I still think of you. Memories of the past keep coming
back to me. Vivid images and sweet words flash in my head and it gives me pain
again.

I still hope that by some miracle we could get back together and fulfill the dreams
and promises we shared. Why did God have to put us in this situation? Only time can
tell. I'm just hoping I'm doing the right thing because I clearly remember praying that
I do everything right with you.

They say you can't change people if they don't want to change themselves. I'm not
asking you to change, I just want you to grow boss. Grow with me.

God give me the strength to get by each day. God give me the strength to not think of you
because it drives me crazy. So for now, please get out of my head.

Proposal

I remember telling you once, "Please say yes to me when I ask you to marry me."

Then you said, "Oo naman, I'll say YES."

CRY

I want to cry.

Writing to you here is just like talking to God; I don't get any verbal replies.

Crazy

This is crazy. Every text, every call I get, I wish it was you. Every text I open, I wish it was your name on the sender list. Hayyyy....

What About Love

What if I took my time to love you?
What if I put no one above you?
What if I did the things
That really mattered?
What if I ran through
Hoops of disaster?

No one would care if
We never made it
We're in this alone
So why don't we face it
There is no room to
Blame one another
We just need time to
Forgive each other

What about love?
What about feeling?
What about all the things that make life worth living?
What about faith?
What about trust?
And tell me baby...what about us?

How can I give this
Love a new beginning?
How can I stop the rain?
It's never ending
How do I keep my soul believing?
Memories of how we
Should be keep calling

I'll take the rivers rise
I'll take the happy times
I'll take the moments of disaster

Happy 2nd Boss

Happy, boss.

Dapat 2nd month na natin today. Just wish together pa rin tayo.

I just want to believe that fate brought us together and if God wants us to get back together, fate will find a way. I just don't see how right now but I do believe in miracles. Besides, God said He'd never stop making miracles in my life.

I think it's natural to miss someone. But then again, the question is - what do you do about it?

Do I wish for the death of this feeling or do I nurture it?

I guess anyone who's ever been in love and broken has dreamed of reconciliation.

And like everyone else, he hopes his case is that one-in-a-million, that exception, that rare gem. And like the rest of the fools, he holds on with hope, however false it may be, to fuel him to get by each day.

Will our case be any different from the rest of theirs, boss?

Just this morning I was reminiscing about that time when we were measuring the size of your ring finger using your strand of hair. We figured that your ring finger was a bit smaller than my pinky. I remember Tita even knocking our heads together, asking what we were doing. hehe

Boss, you once told me that a one-month relationship is so easy to forget. But what if in that one month, you learned the most? What if in that short span of time, you lived the most? I think it doesn’t apply to this relationship.

I don’t know what words or actions can make you see that I don’t look at your family, your status, or whatever physical attributes you may have. I simply want the entirety of you. I look at you as a whole because I believe that the two of us can make wonderful things together. I just wish you could see that, boss.

Boss, we haven't been talking or texting for quite some time. You probably think I'm mad at you. And I think you are mad at me as well. That doesnt matter now though.

I just want you to know that I still love you and I said those things hoping that you'd learn a thing or two from them. I want you to think of the words I said whenever you remember me. I want you to grow because stagnation would be fatal. I want you to learn to speak up to your parents and know what it is like to commit your heart to something, may it be love, may it be a belief or something...

Things stay wrong because people are too lazy, too comfortable to do nothing about them.

Deep in my heart, I'm still hoping that someday our paths would cross again. A better Anna, a better Gelo. And I hope that when that someday comes, the Lord would give the two of us a second chance at a more mature relationship.

Boss, nagrerelapse ako talaga from time to time. Mahirap.

Boss, I'm gonna channel everything I have to the fulfillment of our plans.

Bear with me, boss. You are my WHY and so I will work hard. No more crying from hereon forward.

Boss, gustong gusto kitang tawagan o kaya itext pero hindi ko alam kung tama. Miss na miss na kita.

Too difficult. Boss, naiisip mo rin ba ako?

God knows how many times I think of you in a day.

Boss, cant get you out of my heart and head. It hurts. Please take away the pain. Come back to me, please.

Boss, first day of work. Ang bigat. Parang may hollow block sa dibdib.

Opened the planner you gave me and saw the first message for January 3. Gusto ko umiyak na ayoko. Totoo pa kaya yung nakasulat dun na you love me?

boss, eto na yung kinakatakot ko - yung magigising ka na lang sa gitna ng gabi na nararamdaman yun bigat sa dibdib. tapos mag-fla-flashback na lang sayo yung mga alaala nyong dalawa together, masaya, pero this time, masakit na nakikita mo yun mga bagay-bagay na yun...

Boss, bakit natin kailangan pagdaanan to?

Lord, I need You now more than ever. Never felt pain like this before. I can't keep going on like this. Di ko ata kaya maging ganito for a number of days. Hindi ma-a-afford ng katawan ko at lalu na ng trabaho ko. I need to busy myself 24/7 even in my sleep. I can't get a decent sleep because of this.

Lord, You once said You'd never stop making miracles in my life. I need one right now, please. For now, I'm just asking for sleep and if possible, take the pain away...

Test

Again boss, our love is put to the test. Please dont give up on me.

Just today, I asked for a sign if He really wanted me to fight for our love. I asked that He send me a butterfly to show if it is His will that I go on and fight. I don't see butterflies everyday but I saw one when I got off the car when I got back from the Church. The sight brought me to tears and gave me strength. I hope you don't lose strength boss to fight.

Amazing how the simplest of things can make you seem soooo powerful that you can almost handle anything.

Do you remember that we saw a butterfly before, when we got back together outside your house, inside my car. I hope you do because I believe these are evidence of His hand working. I just hope you find strength boss because these trials aren't meant to keep us apart. These things bind us even stronger, together... I love you boss.